If Chuck Norris Was A Programmer

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If you like programming facts and you’re a fan of Chuck Norris (I’d dare you to tell him you’re not), you may like these.  Just a little light hearted humour to beat the midweek blues.

Programming Chuck Norris Facts

When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it’s across the room.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin.

Chuck Norris’ favourite key combination would be Ctrl, Alt, Roundhouse.

It can’t be though because Chuck Norris’ keyboard doesn’t have a Ctrl key.  NOTHING controls Chuck Norris.

There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris’ keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris point to NULL, Null scares.

Windows 7 was Chuck Norris’ idea.

When Chuck Norris declares arrays, they are all of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.

Chuck Norris invented binary by performing a roundhouse on the number 10.

Chuck Norris CAN divide by 0.

Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.

Chuck Norris programs occupy 150% of CPU, even when they are not executing.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.

Chuck Norris does not need to know about class factory pattern. He can instantiate interfaces.

Every SQL statement that Chuck Norris codes has an implicit “COMMIT” in its end.

Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.

Chuck Norris can write to ROM.

Chuck Norris programs do not accept input.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback.

404 errors simply mean that Chuck Norris has been there before you.

Chuck Norris never gets a syntax error. Instead, the language gets an DoesNotConformToChuck error.

Chuck Norris doesn’t program with a keyboard. He stares the computer down until it does what he wants.

Parent is the child of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI.

To Chuck Norris, everything contains a vulnerability.

Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses.

The programs that Chuck Norris writes don’t have version numbers because he only writes them once. If a user reports a bug or has a feature request, he doesn’t live to see the sun set.

Chuck Norris never gets compiler errors, the language changes itself to accommodate Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not code in cycles, he codes in strikes.

Chuck Norris can’t test for equality because he has no equal.

Chuck Norris can read all encrypted data, because nothing can hide from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris hosting is 105% uptime guaranteed.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need the cloud to scale his applications, he uses his laptop.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need a password to access your system, the system simply gives him access.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need garbage collection because he doesn’t call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().

Chuck Norris’ Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.

Chuck Norris never gets a syntax error.  Instead, the language gets an DoesNotConformToChuck error.

 

2017-05-19T15:48:06+00:00 September 4th, 2013|Personal|2 Comments

About the Author:

Warren Chandler is a freelance web programmer and web developer, based in Frinton on Sea, Essex. Warren specialises in web programming, web design, corporate identity, copy writing, SEO, logo and print media for home, work, and mobile platforms.

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